Between coffee and chocolate

Let’s get something straight here. I loved you . I loved you with everything I had in me but it was never good enough for you, I was never good enough for you. I would have done anything to keep you by my side , but you pushed me away for so long that I gave up. 

I’m walking from this and I can promise I’m never  looking back. It’s going to hurt, and it’s going to be tough, but I can’t keep on going with the way between us. It’s over and it’s been over  for  the longest time. As much as it kills to say this, we aren’t meant to be in each others  life anymore.  :’ ). We aren’t the same two people we used to be. We’ve changed, you are not the same boy I fell in love with. Hurmmm… that boy … well..he’s gone.. So what’s the point of loving him if he doesn’t exist anymore?

 I wanted to be with the guy who fought  for me more than anyone had ever , the guy who led me to believe when I was with him, I had nothing to worry about, the guy who I thought was different from all the rest . But it turns out, I was completely wrong. You left me so many times when I needed you the most. Every time I begged you to stay, you always found a reason to leave…… Yeah I do love you until whenever, but being in love with you isn’t enough anymore. I have to walk away from this, even though it’s probably going to destroy me.  

But .. Hey trust me I'm fine .. totally fine if I'm not how can I still answer your phone call and talk like nothing's happen. I'm cool yo .. :) isn't it ? I believe Lord has given me a strong heart to face all this. So between coffee and chocolate I choose chocolate  because chocolate is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power and brings the happiness..

It's just a thought

I have been thinking about you a lot recently and its weird. Usually I’m thinking about someone else or have other  things on my mind, but lately its been you. I dont’t get it . It’s not like we even knew each other  for that long at all, but  you stuck in my head and every once in a while we talk and its normal and fine and I miss you all over again. Usually it fades, but this time its not. I miss you so much and I just don’t get it  WHY ???? !!!! I wish I could understand or make sense of it somehow. I still remember when I first met you, it makes me laugh when I think about it . I wish so many things that I need to let go of including the memories …As time goes by,I begin to realize things do change and sometimes you just have to let go what’s gone, appreciate what  is still remains and look forward to what’s coming  tomorrow .

“What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be”

Seorang kawan yang baru saya kenal

Yeah saya kembali lagi untuk tulis tulis di dalam blog ini. Okay kali nih nak cerita pasal seorang kawan yang baru sangat  dikenali tuh pon just kat ALAM MAYA ja. Nama harus lah di rahsiakan kan...? ok lah kita letak nama dia as Mr.Kecik ( maybe sebab saya lagi tinggi daripada dia kot) hahahahha , xpe rasanya dia tak kisah kot sebab dia seorang yang sangat happening , saya suka chatting dengan dia as in dia seorang yang agak suka mengusik and suka buat lawak . Kadang-kadang sampai tergelak kuat depan Encik Lappy sebab chatting dengan dya . .

Hari nih saya chat lagi dengan dia macam biasa then dia tanya saya

Mr.Kecik : Awak tengah buat apa?

Mrs.Cute  : Tengah dengar lagu adele 

Mr.Kecik : Err..saya tak minat lagu adele

Mrs.Cute  : Lagu tuh kena dengan my current situation, layan je lah

Mr.Kecik : Tapi lagu dia semua mendatangkan perasaan negatif. Bak kata kawan saya lagu yang tak move

                  on langsung.

Mrs.Cute  : Agak lah kan lagu semua macam broken hearted je kan ?

Mr.Kecik  : Tu la ... baik awak dengar lagu yang boleh tambah semangat ke but jangan lah yang bab- bab 

                    cinta nih ..

Then Mr.kecik nih pon bagilah saya dengar lagu kat bawah nih . Seriously first time saya dengar lagu nih, saya macam  "WOW" best gila kot ... memang sangat awesome !!! Rasa macam ada semangat baru tamabah-tambah bila baca ayat quotes intro...

"Don't only practice your art

But force your way into its secret

For it and knowledge can

Raise men to the divine"

So thanks to you Mr.kecik sebab buat saya sedar kalau kita tengah sedih,cuba cari something yang boleh buatkan kita happy or bangun semula ...

Beautiful In White

HELLO !! HELLO !! ... act tak tahu nak hupdate ape .. tapi nk hupdate blog nih sbb bosan ..Dengar x lagu yang saya letak dalam blog nih , sedap tak ? masa saya pergi beli baju dekat TIMES SQUARE ada satu kedai nih pasang lagu nih banyak-banyak kali. First time saya dengar reaksi saya macam .." eh lagu ape nih sedap giler !!!"

So saya pon try lah cari dalam fon hello kitty saya nih tapi tak jumpaaa .... nak tnya owner kedai tapi maluuu (",) .So try lah pergi usha2 dekat dekstop komputer tapi tak nampakkk.Lastly saya dengan slumbernye tanya "boleh tak saya nak tanya something? nih lagu apa eh ?" owner kedai tuh buat muka pelik kat saya lepas tuh senyum pulak then dya cakap "westlife, beautiful in white"

Lepas tuh on the spot saya download lagu tuh siap menghayati lirik lagu you .Lagu nih sangat romantik lah kalau2 para lelaki nak tujukan lagu nih dekat bakal isteri. Lagu nih jugak dinyanyikan oleh shane filan masa wedding dia untuk isteri dia ... arghhhh so romantik you ...Kalau ada lelaki bagi saya lagu nih for sure saya akan kahwen dengan dya!!!! .

Nih lirik lagu beautiful in white

Not sure if you know this

But when we first met

I got so nervous
I couldn't speak

In that very moment 
I found the one and
My life had found its
Missing piece

So as long as I live I love you
Will have and hold you
You look so beautiful in white
And from now 'til my very last breath
This day I'll cherish
You look so beautiful in white
Tonight

What we have is timeless
My love is endless
And with this ring, I
Say to the world

You're my every reason
You're all that I believe in
With all my heart, I 
Mean every word

So as long as I live I love you
Will have and hold you
You look so beautiful in white
And from now 'til my very last breath
This day I'll cherish
You look so beautiful in white
Tonight

And if a daughter's what our future holds
I hope she has your eyes
Finds love like you and I did, yeah
But when she falls in love we'll let her go
I'll walk her down the ailse
She'll look so beautiful in white
You look so beautiful in white

Cukup lah sampai sini ..So enjoy the song :)

Sugar and Lemon

Is that easy to ignore me hmm? 

Even when I'm crying my breath out.

When we are skype-ing for the last time

YOU still can ask me , why your mata LEBAM?

Eventhough you know, you are the reason WHY 

You are just too selfish

When I say I can't breathe because of my heart was beating fast

Everytime I'am thinking of you

I'm not joking..I'm  SERIOUS

but you never care !!!

I faint alone in my room and you are not even here

YOU want me to stop complaining .. Alright

That means.. we're not talking forever

Cause you don't know me

You have friends and other girlfriends too

You wouldn't  have to feel missing

Cause I'm not Important to you

Cause I'm a trash for you

That is so clear ......

So have fun living your life without me

If there's one person to feel sad she could die, It's me ... HEY IT'S ME!!!!

Cause I LOVE YOU so much and it's hurt. My Fault too

And now time to bring back my big and thick wall

So that any guy couldn't walk through it.

Let me live alone , with my family and my friends

And no matter how much i needed you, you wouldn't be here

I think it is over

You wanted this way

In fact, you wouldn't feel anything pun ...

So here all the things that you gave me

I already put it one side at the corner of my room
I hope it will helps me to forget all the memory of you eventhough I know it doesn't help at all
but at least I have tried

I want you to know I have moved on
NO NO NO NO
I'm trying to move on 
NO NO NO NO
I have to move on
I want to chase my dreams ( working in Saudi )
Pass with FLYING COLOURS in my LJM
You broke  my heart once 
So no more second times 
You broke all your promices
Makes me not believe you anymore
I have locked my heart so no one can hurt me like you did
DON'T WORRY about me
Of course I will be happy without you

To the one who hurt me , I'll always forgive you :)

I’ll forgive you, always.

I’ll always forgive you no matter what things went wrong between us. We may never talk to each other again, but I’ll still care and worry about you like I’ve promised. Maybe not so much, maybe a lot some other days. You may never think about me like I think about you, but I know for a certain reason that you will remember me even though you’ll slowly forget my existence in your life. I’ll forgive you no matter how much you’ve hurt me.

I’ll forgive you always, because I’m willing to accept changes in you that I haven’t encounter before. I’m willing to take in the flaws you have and still be here for you. I’ll forgive you as long as you still have a space in my heart because I clearly know well that you’re someone significant to me, which is why I can’t stop worrying or stop caring in a matter of time. I’ll forgive you no matter how much we don’t talk anymore even if it goes up to years. I’ll forgive you because I know that my heart and my mind can’t stay mad at you for long. I’ll forgive you because it shows a sign that I’m slowly getting over the bad things between us. I’ll forgive you because forgiveness is always attribute to the strong.

I’ll forgive you as long as I see you happy and I can see that you’re doing well. I’ll forgive you as long as everything you’re doing, you learn from it through the worst and best times. I’ll forgive you as long as you still shine brighter than the stars. I’ll forgive you because even though I can’t see anything between us or what we had was real or not, I still see you as you. I’ll forgive you as long as you’re still moving forward.

I’ll forgive you, always. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here while you’re there. I’ll still be around, just whenever you’re ready, I am too.So, right now what I want you to do is  to forgive yourself  like I do ,and of course I'll keep you safe in my memory because memories are the only thing that won't change , when everything else does.

I Wanna Grow Old With You

First of all I wanna thank to you so so sooo much! This has been the best 11 months of my life. Thank you so much for making me so damn happy, and choosing me out of all the girls in the world. It means so much to me. I love you more than anything but I love my family more especially my mommy (hehehehehe).You make things easier when life get hards,you really do. You’ve helped me through so much. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making life worth it.

You don’t know how badly I want this. THIS kind of love that never dies out. I don’t wanna be the grumpy old wife who yells at their husband all the time or ignores him giving the silent treatments.

 I wanna be the old wife who loves their husband more than she loved him yesterday.

 I want to be able to laugh with him,

 hold hands in the park,

have a wheelchair race,

take pictures of each other,

give him old smoochy kisses, and just cuddle in bed.

 I want to be able to tell him I love him more and more each day.

 And if he were deaf, I’d want to write it out on a giant poster with lots of colors, so I could place it somewhere he would lay eyes on it every hour.

I want to die old, happily in love with you

FOREVER

F.R.I.E.N.D

Well hello hye bloggies … lamenye ku tidak menghupdate blog nih . Lately mmg busy dgn test , assignment and some group discussion…kadang-kadang xbusy pon tapi BRAIN nih x HARDCORE nak menjana idea y power2 tuk di-interprept kan dalam blognye version nih …

Bulan January dah habessss yeay ! ! ! ..dah masuk second weeks of feb dah pun kejap je mase berlalu kan? Dalam masa sebulan tuh macam-macam boleh terjadi .. tentang hati,perasaan …. Kadang-kadang kita cube sembunyikan masalah dengan gelak kuat-kuat , senyum je 24 jam …over react bile tgk movie kelakar macam orang giler je kan ? saya lah tuh …tapi semua tuh di panggil sebagai DIVERTIONAL THERAPY di mana kite meng-divert-kan fikiran kita untuk tidak fikir tentang masalah yang selalu mengganggu kita ataupun kesedihan yang meruntun hati ini lah …senang cakap ….

Do you ever think that you will lose somebody that always be with you all the time?,have you ever imagine that one day they will be a stranger in your life..? you even can’t look on their  face , but it’s not because of you hate them but it’s because of you feel that they are someone else in your life. Do you? I never imagine if that things happen to me.But it did happen to me. Haaaiisshhhh (long sigh) what am I going to do ? tell me bloggies ………

Friendship are just like a relationship but what make this two things a little bit different is … people will not say “I broke up with my friend” they will just say “I fight with my friend”….isnt it? . Friendship is about forgiveness.How many times your friend hurt you,you still will forgive and forget the mistake and move on.That’s why friendship is more last longer than relationship.Of course in order to make a last longer relationship, we must think in other perception. Sudah melalut nih ……

I know im not a good friend hahahaha ( gelak jap )or I can say I don’t know how to be a good friend. Hurmmmmm actually I don’t really like to have many friend.For me I just need a friend who can stay with me,understand me,cry with me, hug me when I say im ok well actually im not ..denial di situ,the one that I can share my problems and the most important is boley tahan saya membebel hahahaha hobi para wanita ….. perempuan memang suka membebel kan … kalo tak membebel bukan perempuan lah kan hahahha ….. but the most important things is be honest with me….

Maybe I’m not a good friend for you I don’t even visit you when you were admitted in the hospital, that’s because I don’t know… if I have an ability to invent a time machine I would stay with you while you were in the hospital,company you  over the night but I can’t …maybe it’s sound sarcastic but what  do you see me from the outside is sarcastic. The clock is still running,the earth is still spinning on its orbit.I cant go back to the past……People always talking back about you but I don’t care that is their problems with you nothing to do with me…you are still my friends.I know you more than them but I am very disappointed  with you when you are telling me the wrong things over n over  eventhough you know I know the truth. My dear friends , I never underestimate on you..I am friends with you as what you are ..You know how I am, I wouldn’t  show you how much I care for you …but I did ….

Friend do you still remember when the first tyme we slept on the same bed?( on my bed) you woke me up just because you can't slept and you were asking my permission to sleep over with me.The first nasi goreng sardin that you made for me when I was hungry..and I still remember when you were nagging at me because of my bed was messy. And ada lagi .......

Friend if you think by deleting all the memories is the best thing for you then go ahead..that’s your right but to me I wouldn’t,because memories are the one that make the friendship is very valuable. And if you are wondering whether you are still my friend, I will answer yes …. Good Luck

~LiFe wIlL ALwaYs Be A joUrNey~

winter break!!!ok its maybe last 2 weeks but its never to late to share! It's really frustrating when your paper was the last and yeah its really sucks when you have to study all alone but hey, I just finished my first semester and survived!!!! Lepas exam ape lagi bercutilah kan..ke mana?
LAS VEGAS, SAN FRANCISCO, LOS ANGELES, and SAN DIEGO

 

MCARREN AIRPORT, LAS VEGAS

yup winter break kat Las Vegas. Well, actually nak pergi program Mukatamar, which is an Islamic program held by Malaysian and Indonesian society here in US. Sampai awal dari program jadi kami by kami I mean Uzair, Ahmad, Faris, Rashid, Bean, Kabon, Muaz, dan Khairi menginap di Americas Best Value Inn. Mcm hotel Seri Malaysia kat sini. But sebelom tu saya dgn bean kena tggl sbb tiket kami lambat dari yg lain and yeah kami berdua sahaja yg naik flight ke Detroit utk tukar flight ke Vegas. sangat letih dan bosan. Nasib atas flight ada wifi. 

Sampai je hotel tggl barang tros kuar jalan2 n cuba I found my favourite place, ARCADE. and PUMP IT UP.  

tggu apa memang menari x igt dunia laa. But the best part is time tengah main tetiba a group of KOREAN CHICKS datang and one of them actually give me a chocolate bar. YEAH!!! YOU"VE READ IT RIGHT. Pics or its never happened? I'll show you.

owh yeah I score 3 that time. up high!!!

ok so back to the place, its really amazing there the architecture, the people, the lights, the cars, everything. And you can even get a girl by just one phone call and she will be deliver to your door, that explains why it's known as THE SIN CITY.

I went to a lot of hotel. Ceasar Palace, MGM, Bellagio, owh if you're a fan of ocean's 13 then you'll know about it. I'm not good with words but I can definitely show some pictures

damn x reti nak susun gmbr2 ni so jadi panjang. sorry.

and yeah I rode the roller coaster. The best so far. Then I went to Madame Tussauds if that how you spell it. So jadilah saya seorang artis dan artis2 lain semua nk bergambar dgn saya.hehhehe ...

But the best part is we found a HALAL restaurant, KABOB KORNER which is incredibly cheap and we eat there a lot. I ate an actual doublecheese bureger and let me show you how it looks like

seroiusly makanan ni terbaik gila. gambar ni gambar first time mkn situ. kali kedua mmg order dua burger siap2 sebab mmg sangat sedap plus taukeh dia mamak and tau cakap melayu. Well that tells us Mamak really makes great food businesses. Tak lupa jugak INDIAN PALACE yang saya, Uzair, and Che Mokh slalu pegi time lunch sebab dia buffet. Macam biasa tiga pinggan nasi briyani kambing.

2 hari berlalu akhirnya start Muktamar.

x banyak yang saya bole cakap pasal Muktamar sebab dia macam ceramah but optional untuk pegi atau tidak. Plus dapat hotel yang sgt best memang most of the time tido. But slot2 terbahagi kepada general, yaumun nisa', youth, and childrens. Ustaz Habiburrahman El Shirazy is one of the speaker yg ada. you know yg tulis ayat-ayat cinta. Muktamar berlangsung selama seminggu lepas tu jalan2 laa apa lagi.

SAN FRANCISCO

first impression sampai sini sangat banyak kereta and sangat x selesa. Lepas tu kami ke Golden Gate saja nak tengok jambatan yang dlm cter x-men tu. 

lepak kat sini dua hari stay kat Travelodge hotel yg wifi dia mcm chipsmore. Lepas tu meronda area San Fran sampai la bosan baru bertolak ke Los Angeles.

LOS ANGELES

tak banyak benda kat sini except hollywood. yup bergerak ke bukit yg ada signboard yg slalu kita tgk kat tv. Akhirnya saya sndr sampai ke sini.

dekat LA xtau stay hotel mana n x igt pon nama tempat dia. but best jugak yg x bestnya sebab saya x sihat and sakit terok. sakit kepala plus muntah2 mmg x best especially time tgh bercuti.hahaha but overall pegi jugak laa pusing2 kat situ. x lama pon di LA dalam dua hari mcm tu then kami bertolak pula ke San Diego.

SAN DIEGO

Dekat sini paling kejap sebab da nak kena pulangkan kereta sewa. Masuk je area SD teros cari pantai. Subhanallah besar dan agungnya ciptaan Illahi pantai dia memang besar, luas, cantik, and BERSIH. Susah nak jumpa sampah sebab diorg mmg jaga kebersihan. Part tu mmg respect diorg. Maybe diorg gi tandas pakai tisu je but bab kebersihan sekitar mmg nampak terang, jelas dan nyata. Well orang mana tau kita pembersih kalau nampak luar mcm kotor kan? JAGALAH ALAM SEKITAR.

and dalam banyak2 saya tulis ni saya x penah lupa kat awak in fact it's like you were there with me all the time.

SD tu SAN DIEGO in case korg tertanya

Lepas tu kami kembali ke Las Vegas and ada masa sehari sebelom flight. Macam biasa gi menari sampai la penat. Masa berlalu dengan cepat 2 minggu habis dalam sedar x sedar. Ketika kita sedang leka bersuka ria sentiasa ingat masa x pernah tggu sesiapa. One big thing that I learned through those trips is RESPONSIBILITY. Saya pelajari sesuatu yang pasti kita akan alami. 

Be not entangled in this world of days and nights; Thou hast another time and space as well.

Muhammad Iqbal

Birthday letter to the one and only one

BIRTHDAY WISHES TO MY SPECIAL MAN

Who is my man? ohh there he is . . . you  are my man 
now and forever ...

Happy 21st Birthday sweetie

 Happy birthday, darling. It’s that time of year again, another candle on your birthday cake. But it’s so much more than that. It’s another year of wonderful memories. Moments of giggles, sly smiles and inside jokes. So many great memories. Sure there were some road bumps along the way too. We had some fights, some good ones in fact. But just think how boring it would be if we hadn’t. Then there wouldn’t be any make up lovin. You know I’m kidding, well sort of.

Baby, I hope you blow out your candles and make a great wish eventhough im not there. I hope it comes true beyond your wildest dreams. I want nothing but good things for you and will work my entire life to make you happy. You are my joy. I look in your eyes each day and feel nothing but love.
 I am so lucky to be loved by you.

I still remember the day i met you, it seems like to be yesterday (sekejap je kan masa berlalu) but already 10 months have passed and we had gone through all the thick and thin together and I'm sure it will be more after this ... My dear sweetie, on your special day I want you to know that you are a very special person to me and I thank GOD everyday for giving me a chance to meet you in this huge world.

This is your first birthday having me in you life isn't it? Dont worry we have so many more birthdays to celebrate. More dreams to make a reality, more memories  scrapbook in our albums. My dream has already come true, I get to spend my entire life with you. So honey, thank you for making my birthday wishes come true and I really hope yours do too.

 Happy birthday, sweetheart.